How it works

My Coaching Process: A Roadmap for Relational Growth

My approach is layered, starting with a powerful communication framework and building upon it with essential relational skills and explorations. Our approach will be customized based on needs and experience.

Step 1: The Foundation – Mastering Caring Communication (Based on NVC)

• What it is: We begin with the core principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). This is the bedrock of understanding yourself and others more deeply. If I were president, everyone would read that book. Learn to KNOW your needs and THEN learn to communicate them effectively! It’s amazing, really!!!

• Why it matters: SO MUCH relationship conflict stems from misunderstandings, unheard needs, and reactive language.And that’s just within yourself! Then there’s the stuff between your other and you!! NVC provides a SIMPLE yet profound structure to express yourself honestly and vulnerably (without blame or criticism) and listen with genuine empathy to understand the feelings and needs behind your partner's words (even the difficult stuff!!). Sorry, I get excited about this…

• What you'll learn:

• To distinguish objective observations from subjective interpretations and judgments.

• To identify and articulate your own feelings and core needs clearly.

• To make clear, positive requests instead of demanding or complaining.

• To listen empathically to uncover the feelings and needs driving others' actions.

• To shift from blame and defensiveness towards connection and understanding.

Step 2: 1st Building Block – Understanding Your Relational Blueprint (Attachment Awareness)

• What it is: We gently explore core attachment patterns – the often unconscious ways we learned to connect and seek security in relationships based on early experiences.

• Why it matters: Understanding your and your partner's attachment styles sheds light on recurring triggers, sensitivities, and patterns in how you handle intimacy, conflict, and bids for connection. This awareness fosters compassion and helps you navigate dynamics more consciously.

• What you'll gain:

• Insight into your typical responses to closeness and distance.

• Understanding of common conflict cycles related to attachment needs (e.g., pursue/withdraw).

• Greater empathy for your partner's relational tendencies.

• Strategies for offering reassurance and managing triggers effectively.

Step 3: 2nd Building Block – Navigating Conflict Constructively (Conflict Resolution Skills)

• What it is: Building on NVC and attachment awareness, we introduce specific tools and strategies for navigating disagreements productively.

• Why it matters: Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it determines its impact. Learning to "fight fair" turns potential breakdowns into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. Conflict Celebration, we called it on the commune ;)

• What you'll learn:

• Techniques to de-escalate tension and take effective timeouts.

• How to identify and interrupt destructive patterns (like criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling – inspired by Gottman's research).

• Strategies for making effective repair attempts after arguments.

• Frameworks for problem-solving and compromise that honor both partners' needs.

Step 4: 3rd Building Block – Defining Healthy Boundaries (Boundary Setting & Respect)

• What it is: We focus on identifying, communicating, and respecting personal boundaries within the relationship.

• Why it matters: Healthy boundaries are essential for individual well-being and mutual respect. They define where you end and your partner begins, preventing resentment and fostering autonomy alongside connection.

• What you'll practice:

• Identifying your personal limits, needs, and non-negotiables.

• Communicating boundaries clearly, kindly, and firmly using NVC principles.

• Respecting your partner's boundaries without taking it personally.

• Navigating situations where boundaries may need adjustment.

Step 5: 4th Building Block – Cultivating Connection & Appreciation (Intentional Intimacy Practices)

• What it is: Beyond solving problems, we focus on proactively nurturing the positive aspects of your relationship. We are also aware not to force or rush anything. Planting the seeds of this awareness is enough, growth will happen when we are ready.

• Why it matters: Strong relationships thrive on intentional efforts to connect, appreciate, and build shared meaning. This builds resilience and deepens fondness.

• What you'll explore:

• Identifying and speaking each other's "Love Languages" (inspired by Chapman's concept) or primary appreciation styles.

• Developing small, consistent rituals of connection.

• Practicing active appreciation and expressing gratitude.

• Creating a shared vision or goals for your relationship's future.

• Trust and Pre-emptive goodness.

Step 6: 5th Building Block – Optional – Lessons from Open Relationships

• What it is: Exploring the advanced communication, boundary-setting, and emotional regulation skills often highly developed in healthy open or non-monogamous relationships, and applying those insights proactively to strengthen commitment, trust, and understanding within any relationship structure (yes, monogamy!).

• Why it matters: The intentionality and explicit negotiation required when navigating relationship dynamics beyond traditional assumptions demand a level of skill that benefits all partnerships. Mastering these proactively addresses potential conflicts around needs, autonomy, jealousy, and expectations before they escalate, building profound honesty, resilience, and adaptability.

• What you'll explore:

• Radical Honesty & Explicit Communication: Moving beyond assumptions to clearly articulate desires, fears, needs, and agreements.

• Boundary Setting with Clarity & Compassion: Defining personal limits (what's okay/not okay for you) and respecting partner autonomy with kindness and firmness.

• Working Skillfully with Insecurity & Jealousy: Identifying the roots of these feelings (often unmet needs or fears) and developing constructive self-soothing and communication strategies, rather than blaming or controlling.

• Conscious Negotiation & Agreements: Learning to collaboratively define the "terms" of the relationship (regarding time, attention, expectations, etc.) intentionally, rather than defaulting to unspoken cultural scripts.

• Honoring Autonomy within Connection: Fostering a dynamic where individual growth, friendships, and pursuits are supported alongside deep relational intimacy and commitment.